1996: Space Jam

  • There are very few movies that have the ability to make you laugh, make you cry, and strike the human soul at its very core. In 1996, Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes assembled to create one of the greatest strips of film in cinematic history.
  • First things first, this movie FLAT OUT wouldn’t have worked with anyone else. Jordan is the epitome of professionalism and arguably the most iconic individual to ever grace competitive sports. Like, there’s no way this would’ve worked with Lawrence Taylor or something. He’d be drilling lines of cocaine before eating the Looney Tunes and shit mid-movie.
  • The supporting cast was absolute FIRE. Bill Murray might, when it’s all said and done, be the greatest human being of all time, Danny Devito’s the man, and Newman from Seinfeld was an absolute wrecking ball for the 12 minutes of screen time he had. The cameos of Larry Bird, Barkley, and Patrick Ewing were impressive as well. Could’ve lived without Shawn Bradley and Muggsy Bogues though…
  • Lola bunny was an absolute smokehouse. Just a hard 10 in whatever category you can think of. I’m talking about a “one jar of Vaseline a week” type situation.
  • The soundtrack was STUFFED. The Space Jam theme song was a banger, “Fly Like an Eagle” was a beast, and “Basketball Jones” was on there too. Hell, R Kelly brought home 3 Grammy Awards for his contributions.
  • When the dust settles and Michael Jordan is on his death bed, I can bet the mortgage that he wouldn’t trade Space Jam for another championship ring. His legacy would crumble.

1992: Nickelodeon GUTS

  • Anyone who watched television during the 90’s is well aware that Nickelodeon Guts was the ultimate demonstration of heart and determination. Hell, even the set of show had the potential to thrust someone into a violent, epileptic seizure. The place resembled a modern day EDM concert for God sakes.
  • For starters, Mike O’Malley was the absolute man. He just seems like one of those TV personalities who was the SAME EXACT guy when the cameras stopped rolling. I mean, you could just tell the dude LIVED for 12-year old competitive engagement. He probably still gets tossed from Little League games and shit.
  • Mo (the thing that read the rules) was a complete trainwreck. I had no fucking clue what was going on there. Was she a dude? Was he a chick? Was she/he/it younger or older than 40? Absolutely no clarification on Guts’ behalf whatsoever.
  • Regardless, the Agro Crag was really all that mattered. Thing used to chew up and spit out pre-teens like you read about. Like, you could make all the travel teams in the world, but if you can’t showcase a piece of the molten rock on your mantle, you’re no better than Danny Almonte.

PS. Did anyone else notice how the girl was always blue and the black kid was always purple? Literally every time.

1990: Sega Game Gear

  • So I was rummaging through my closet earlier today and stumbled across a shitload of old stuff, including my old Sega Game Gear.
  • During the 90’s, Nintendo basically steamrolled Sega in regards to anything video game related. The only reason I bring that up is because although Sega got manhandled in terms of sales, their handheld system KILLED Nintendo’s. Yeah, I said it. The Sega Game Gear was a better system than Nintendo’s Gameboy Color.
  • First things first, the Gameboy Color was awesome. I threw about a thousand miles on my Gameboy playing Pokémon, Mario Land, and Donkey Kong Country. Never was a big Zelda guy but that’s neither here nor there.
  • With that said, I’m blown away at the fact that such a large portion of our population is unaware of what a Game Gear is. Game Gear was a fucking wrecking ball for what it had. I say that because there weren’t a ton of great games. After you plowed through all the Sonic titles, there really wasn’t much to look for.
  • But as far as the actual system went, the Game Gear was MILES above Gameboy. It had the graphics of a Super Nintendo but you could still flush it down the toilet. I mean, you had to force feed it AA batteries every 8 seconds, but that’s the price you pay for crystal clear 8-bit graphics.