This Is Why Bryan Cranston Is The Best

Breaking Bad. This. That’s it. Enough said.
This is my literary contribution for the day.

Ladies, The “Duck Face” NEEDS to Die…

  • There are a lot of trends that seem to pick up steam on social media, but one of the most annoying/ridiculous trends I’ve ever encountered has to be the “duck face.” I don’t get it. I never have gotten it. I never will get it. It needs to die, and it needed to die last year.
  • For those of you who don’t know what I’m referring to, the “duck face” is when girls scrunch up their face when they’re being photographed in a desperate attempt to look as unattractive as humanly possible. It’s often accompanied by a peace sign under particular circumstances.
  • Like, what happened to just smiling? Did that fade or something? Am I just behind on the times or some shit? If I smile the next time someone snaps a picture of me, am I going to look like some old, decrepit dad or something?
  • Regardless, at least we can all agree that it’s better than flipping off the camera. Nothing says I muscled out a 2.3 GPA in high school better than flipping the bird in your profile picture. Shirtless mirror pics are bad to but at least it’s not the “duck face.”

October is ADHD Awareness Month and, Well, Who Cares?

  • So it’s ADHD Awareness month, which apparently is a pretty big deal. It’s kind of stupid in my opinion. I understand that ADHD affects a lot of people, but do we really need a whole month? How about a week? Hell, why not just a day? I can’t focus on ADHD for a month.
  • I mean, if it’s so damn common, why do we even need awareness? Like, I feel 70% of our population has ADD. It’s to the point where you can get a diagnosis if you have trouble focusing on a manatee documentary.
  • I don’t even think it’s a real thing anymore. People just say they have ADD so they can score adderal, which is a God damn miracle drug by the way. That stuff is incredible. I hardly ever take it, but when I do, I could write you a 15 page paper on dandruff for God sakes.
  • The only negative aspect of adderal is that I’m almost too focused when I take it. Like, I can literally hear other people’s thoughts and see through pages and shit.

My Very Brief Take on American Consumerism and the American Dream


I think in today’s society more than ever, social class, lifestyle, pecuniary emulation and conspicuous consumption are not as interwoven as people might think. For example, take a look at this music video:

The men portrayed in this video appear to be from a very urban community. They also show off their weapons. But most importantly, they show off their money and “all gold” items. These young men in this music video, who are wearing gold chains and throwing twenty-dollar bills around, reside in what looks like an inexpensive urban environment. Social class does not necessarily have an impact on your choice of lifestyle. On the other end of the spectrum, Bill Gates, one of the wealthiest men in the world, dresses like he works in a shoe store. He does not wear expensive clothing or have flashy cars. He is humble, and insanely wealthy.

I find that some people in our society are materialistically competitive. Pecuniary Emulation is present because of these people. Unfortunately there is a portion of our society that believes material items will lead to success and happiness. They worship their things and their stuff. I think this mindset sets our society backwards instead of forwards. Instead of competing with one another, we should be helping one another achieve our goals as a community. I am not trying to come off as a hippie or whatever but material things cause wars. They only cause tension in our society. Corporate greed is running America into the ground.

It is possible for anyone to become rich, although for the poor to break out of their mold is extremely hard. The lottery is a solid option, as is robbing a bank. There is a reason the wealth gap keeps expanding. There is a reason the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor. CEOs are taking huge pay raises and bonuses as the lower and middle classes take pay cuts and lay offs. Politicians are afraid to create real legislation protecting consumers and continue to profit off of corporate lobbyists.

The other reason it is harder for the lower and middle class to break through and enter the upper class, is the invention of the college degree. If you have time, I recommend you listen to this commencement address by the late David Foster Wallace.

His brilliant address speaks on a liberal arts education’s responsibility to “teach you how to think.” Young people are going to college with the installed belief that it will automatically lead to success. The students that take on the financial responsibility of college are entering into an entirely new community still stuck in their “default setting,” as Wallace masterfully explains. To be fully prepared for the next steps of their life, I believe every high school student should listen to it before applying to college, every freshman orientation should play it, and every graduate should listen to it before they walk.

The American Dream is entirely subjective and has adapted since its invention post-industrial revolution. The American Dream to one man or woman could be living in a suburb in a nice home, with a nice car in the driveway, with a family, working a steady job inching towards a promotion that they never quite attain. To another man, it could be a swanky loft in Manhattan overlooking the city, with a bevy of attractive women waiting in his rooftop hot tub. But in both cases there is a problem. People are idolizing material things rather than internal happiness. And yes, I’m sure a Jacuzzi full of woman is satisfying, but it is promoting the idea that material things bring happiness. I think the “American Dream” sends very mixed signals on global positivity. The name of it on its own indicated a very selfish and centralized set of ideals. At the time of its creation, the world was not nearly as globalized and connected as it is now. We are not alone; we cannot act as if we are alone.  But as long as the “American Dream” exists, men and women will continue to bury themselves in debt, hunting for a dream they can just wake up from, and live.



Have You Heard the One About the US Government Casually Shutting Down?

  • Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not a “political” guy. I pay attention to what’s happening in the world but I could care less about healthcare reforms and shit. With that said, this government shut down stuff caught my eye.
  • Maybe I’m just clueless as to what goes down at the White House, but the government completely “shutting down” seems like a big deal. Like, what does that even mean? They just stop working? Can they even do that?
  • I understand that everyone needs a breather once in awhile but you guys should’ve taken break when Clinton was in office. It’s rush hour and we need you on the floor. You can’t be outside blowing through cigarettes right now.
  • In a way, I’m actually fine with this. I haven’t done the research for why/how this will negatively affect us, but I hope it does. Just so all those liberal, Occupy Wall Street pussies won’t have anyone to blame for their problems.

JoeBags’ Trip to NYC: Chapter 2

  • 5:00 AM: Wake up and nearly put myself in a coma attempting to walk out of the shower. Least graceful thing I’ve done since I chugged baby powder when I was 4.
  • 6:00 AM: Now on the transit bus, I’m talking to that bus driver again from the first trip. His wife is doing better. He tells me that NYC’s train situation is a complete shitshow right now and I’ll have to switch trains at Stanford in order to reach Grand Central. Perfect. I hate easy commutes.
  • 7:24 AM: As the train rides through Bridgeport, I can’t help but feel bad for the Ozone Layer. Al Gore would have an epileptic seizure if he saw this place.
  • 9:30 AM: There was this homeless man on the train who smelled like aborted fetuses and failure. It was literally the worst smell I’ve ever had to deal with in my entire life.
  • 5:30 PM: I get out of my internship. Beat the 7 hours I was there into a bloody pulp obviously.
  • 6:00 PM: I get on the wrong train home so I have to get off at Harlem and wait for the next train. I walk out of the station to grab food and immediately realize that I am the only white person within a 2 mile radius. I grabbed a Heineken like a pretentious douche and went back to the station.
  • 7:45 PM: On the train, the Heineken is currently the only thing keeping me from killing the women next to me, whose ass is occupying 70% of our seat. And yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s reading this right now…
  • 10:00 PM: I’m finally home. NYC has been changed forever yet again.