People Who Do Black Friday Are Fucking JOKES

Disclaimer: If you were someone who waited in line for Black Friday then navigate off the page because it’s about to get ugly.

  • So today is in contention for dumbest day of the year outside of Arbor Day. Black Friday is nothing short of a joke and the fact that companies continue participating in it is absolutely pathetic.
  • People are literally dying over marked-down microwaves and places like Walmart continue to participate in it knowing that they’re not only putting the general public at risk, but putting their own employees at risk.
  • I went to Walmart yesterday around 6 PM to pick up a dvd at Red Box because I saw a flyer that said it opened at that time. When I got to the store, there were 10-15 toothless morons sacrificing a family-oriented Thanksgiving dinner so they could risk pneumonia and huddle around in the freezing cold for 12 hours in order to get 30% off a fucking coffee maker.
  • Then, when I asked if the place was open, all of the people pretentiously laughed at me and made sure to pompously alert me that they’ve been waiting there since 3 (as if I was supposed to be impressed). I wasn’t impressed at all. I felt bad to be honest. I mean, if you’re waiting for a store to open on Black Friday, you’re a fucking JOKE.
  • I guess Black Friday is good in a way. It’s a great way to weed out the idiots on this planet without necessarily being ‘tragic.’ If some moron gets trampled over a Blu-Ray player, that’s one less idiot clogging traffic on the freeway.

Today I Might Finally Try Stuffing

  • With all things considered, it’s been a monumentally rough month for Native Americans. The Washington Redskins absolutely suck, I basically bankrupted Mohegan Sun a couple weeks ago and now they have to suffer through yet another Thanksgiving.
  • That being said, the story that’s on everyone’s lips today is clearly the speculations regarding what will go down today at my grandmother’s house around 1 o’clock. For 21 years of my life, I’ve sat at the Thanksgiving table and stared stuffing in the face but never attempted to try it. Today might be the day where I face the music.
  • I think I’m ready but I can’t be too sure. It’s a rivalry renewed and I wholeheartedly can’t contend that I have a clue how this will go down.
  • I mean, stuffing looks fucking atrocious. It literally looks like cow manure mixed with broccoli or some shit. I don’t know how to go about eating it but today is definitely the day. It’s going to be a blood bath but I’m not going without a fight. Yo Stuffing! I didn’t hear no bell…

Wait, Family Guy Killed Off Brian???

TMZ: “Seems Brian Griffin won’t get a shot at a 3rd novel … ’cause the martini-swigging, chick-bangin’ family dog DIED on “Family Guy” last night… Brian — who’s been on the show for all 11 seasons — was hit by a car in last night’s episode … and died from his injuries” 

  • So evidently I’m a little late to this rodeo but apparently Family Guy killed off Brian a few nights ago. To be honest, I didn’t know Family Guy was still even on but the fact that they killed off the dog brought back a fit of nostalgia like no other.
  • Family Guy used to be the funniest show on television. To put it in perspective: South Park is my favorite show of all time but the first 3 seasons of Family Guy are untouchable. They were simply GENIUS.
  • That being said, any episode after the 4th or 5th season is trash. Like, the series is honestly such a train wreck now that I consider it unwatchable. I would even go as far to say it’s the worst show on television right now and I wholeheartedly think differently of people who contend that it’s still funny.
  • Although the show sucks regardless, killing off Brian is a terrible idea. Kill off Meg or Chris or something. If you want to revive the series, you don’t make 20 shitty spin-offs and then go and kill off the best character on the show.

Coors Light is the Dumbest Company of All-Time

  • So I haven’t been blogging for a little while and I apologize. I’ve just been busy with a whole lot of stupid shit. Anyway, I was watching football with my buddy the other day and after a slew of beer commercials ran, we both came to the conclusion that Coors Light has the worst possible marketing strategy of all-time.
  • If you’re a beer company, your commercials have to either a.) be funny or b.) advertise some new gimmicky product alteration. Considering that beer doesn’t change, companies need to implement ridiculous can designs or stupid easy-flow mouth holes. Just stuff that really doesn’t make any difference, but ultimately will sell.
  • With that said, Coors doesn’t do any of that. You want to know how Coors attempts to sell their product? They advertise that it’s cold. The main focus of every beer advertisement Coors Light has put out over the last year or so strictly revolves around the fact that the beer is cold. That’s literally it.
  • Being cold is not a selling point. Making the beer cold is something the consumer does. I mean, if Coors Light was guaranteed to stay cold at all times, that would be something to broadcast. Seeing as that is not the case, the people at Coors Light are literally brain dead.
  • You would think that they would catch on that any beer on the planet is capable of achieving a low temperature but they probably won’t. I’ll just sit here until next Sunday when another shitty Ice Cube commercial comes out.

This is the Greatest Music Video of All Time

  • As we all know, the internet is just a feeding ground for bloggers like myself. It is on this platform where we are exposed to some of God’s greatest spectacles. With that said, I was working on a project about Israeli culture and stumbled on this gem buried in the side bar.
  • In a way, this music video might’ve changed the entire game regarding Jewish stigmatism. Before Friedman, Jews were viewed as the punching bags of the social circle. They’re probably the most financially successful demographic on the planet, but they easily haven’t made the playoffs in the National Swag League in about twenty years.
  • In a nutshell, Benny Friedman just propelled Jews to the forefront of the contemporary music scene. I’ve honestly never seen so much charisma and sex in a single video since “Blurred Lines.” Like, if Thicke and Friedman collaborated, I think the world would explode. Even the most die-hard feminists on the planet would have to take a back seat for a couple weeks because the sexual dominance would be to much to resist at that point.
  • I mean, everything about Friedman is SEX. Literally everything. His moves are smooth as silk and his voice could build bridges and part oceans.
  • With all things considered, Benny Friedman is here. Yesh Tikvah is here. SEX is here. Ya’ll can knock the hustle as much as you want but when it’s all said and done, no one in the game is doing it better than Benny Friedman right now. Mazel tov, bitches…

Zimmerman’s Back, Folks

USA Today: “George Zimmerman, acquitted in July in the fatal shooting of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin, was arrested Monday afternoon for allegedly pointing a shotgun at his girlfriend and pushing her out of her house as he packed to move out, the Seminole County Sheriff’s Office said… Zimmerman barricaded himself in the house Samantha Scheibe rented in Apopka, which he had shared with her since around August”

  • Big Daddy Z is back at it again in the news today. Evidently he aimed a shotgun at his wife and then barricaded the door with few couches before the police arrived. Smart move because nothing says “Not Guilty” like blockading your front door with furniture to prevent cops from entering.
  • On a serious note though, how do you pull this off is you’re Zimmerman? If I was the focal point of the most racially controversial murder case of the last 5 years, pointing a gun at another person would probably not be too high on my list of things to ever do again.
  • I guess when it’s all said and done, jail is probably the best place for him after all. Like, who’s going to hire this guy? He might as well just write a book because I don’t even think Burger King would accept this dude’s application at this point. Just call it a day and steal a car or something.