What’s The Etiquette Rule Immediately After Opening The Door For Someone?

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So I pull into a local coffee shop the other day, get out of my car, and proceed to walk towards the door. As I’m walking, I notice someone roughly 10-15 paces behind me in the parking lot. As the chivalrous gentleman that I am, I promptly reach for the door, hold it open, and wait out the 3-5 seconds it took this person behind me to reach and enter the establishment. A quick and subtle “thanks” was exchanged between the both of us and I proceeded to follow this person into the coffee shop.

Now here’s where it gets dicey…

The woman behind the counter then scans the audience of patrons (me and this person I just held the door open for) and promptly asks, “Who’s next?” All of a sudden this person just struts in front of me a begins to declare her order…

So here’s the question: If I hold the door open for you, I have the “right of way” when it comes to ordering, right? I mean, I was technically at the establishment first. When I held the door open for that person, I was conceding my entry, not my order position… right?

I’ve talked to a bunch of people recently about this and evidently the consensus is that I’m some raging sociopath because I demand the opportunity to order first—which is asinine to me. I could have just as easily let the door slam on that son of a bitch, but no, I waited because I’m a man of rectitude and that rectitude was not reciprocated; therefore, I’m a fool, but one of integrity.

And to be clear, that’s exactly what this is about: integrity. I could care less about who orders first but it’s the PRINCIPLE of the thing. I wouldn’t care if that person went first, but at least show me some God damn respect and give me “the look.” A great man once said: give me the opportunity to assert myself back to my original position in the coffee line order, or give me death!

I’m Done Calling BS on These Allegations

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Variety“As the co-host of NBC’s “Today,” Matt Lauer once gave a colleague a sex toy as a present. It included an explicit note about how he wanted to use it on her, which left her mortified… On another day, he summoned a different female employee to his office, and then dropped his pants, showing her his penis. After the employee declined to do anything, visibly shaken, he reprimanded her for not engaging in a sexual act… He would sometimes quiz female producers about who they’d slept with, offering to trade names. And he loved to engage in a crass quiz game with men and women in the office: ‘f—, marry, or kill,’ in which he would identify the female co-hosts that he’d most like to sleep with…His office was in a secluded space, and he had a button under his desk that allowed him to lock his door from the inside without getting up. This afforded him the assurance of privacy. It allowed him to welcome female employees and initiate inappropriate contact while knowing nobody could walk in on him, according to two women who were sexually harassed by Lauer.”

I’ll be the first person to admit I was wrong about this one. Over the last year or so, we’ve seen an onslaught of stories like this where prominent celebrities have gone through the Internet’s buzzsaw for alleged sexual assault/harassment accusations and, initially, I’ve called bullshit on about half of them.

That said, I’m done and I’m a complete asshole for ever thinking otherwise. I’ve seen enough evidence to assume that, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Turns out Hollywood is even more fucked up than most of us already knew it was and I don’t know where or when this ends.

All things considered, it takes a special breed of human to be as hypocritical as some of these people are. From Louis C.K. forcing chicks to watch him jack off, to Bill Cosby date raping half the continent, I just can’t bring myself to get behind anyone anymore. And to be honest, I’ll NEVER understand it.

For starters, these guys are MEGA stars. There are literally MILLIONS of women that would be willing to consensually sleep with you based on your celebrity, alone. The fact that you need to stoop to such a disgusting level and force your will on people simply to get your sexual rocks off is nothing short of egomaniacal.

Secondly, you WORK with these people. In what world do you think this behavior is occupationally appropriate? Even if I like a coworker, I’ll be damned if I accept an invite to happy hour. MFK’s are fun when you’re around your friends—people who, over years of consideration, you’ve personally selected to associate yourself with—but in no way shape or form am I discussing my lack of sex life with Janice from accounting. Like, the best part of a coworker is that they’re a coworker and you don’t know anything about them except for their Microsoft Excel acumen. Once you start peeling layers off that onion, it almost always starts to smell.

And lastly, can we talk about the button under the desk? I mean, what a downright sociopathic, super-villain move. Even if Lauer hadn’t been quietly sexually assaulting/harassing chicks over the last 10-20 years, having a button under your desk that locks your door is enough for me to throw the challenge flag on your normalcy.