Is there anything greater going on in the world of the Internet than Lavar Ball right now? I mean, the guy’s a God damn lightning rod. Just a wrecking ball of controversy. Literally can’t sneeze without the media sending a couple camera crews down to the the tissue box.
Now I have to be honest: I was perplexed with Lavar. I couldn’t wrap my head around whether or not I should love or hate him. Really grappled with it. On one hand, the majority of America hates him, which makes me want to like him; that said, I felt this situation was just too cliché for me. It felt like trap, in a way. It was almost like God gassed up the ole’ human-making machine, looked at his crew of angels and was like, “Ohhh, Bags is gonna’ fucking LOVE this guy.”
So I sat it out. I waited on the bench and watched his fat, Mr. Potato Head-lookin’ ass pole vault from sports media outlet to sports media outlet for a solid month. I watched him talk shit to the greatest player in NBA history, telling everyone he could beat him because Jordan “needed help” and wasn’t a “one-on-one guy” (Jordan holds the record for the highest career PPG average of all-time btw). I watched him claim he was a better tight end than Rob Gronkowski. I even watched him tear his shirt off and scream at WWE Raw one night which was eerily captivating… and I held my ground.
But guess what? I’m out. I can’t pretend I hate Lavar Ball anymore. He’s fucking perfect. He’s a real life WWE villain and now he’s calling out the most powerful man in the world. Just tweeting out GIFs of himself dunking on the president of the United States of America. And why you ask? Because he knows Trump will take the bait. Sending that tweet to Trump is like launching a double fudge brownie into the barracks of a fat camp—it’s only a matter of time before it’s shamelessly addressed.
I just can’t wait until they meet at WrestleMania. God Bless this country.